Habits

Getting Back to Meditation

 Zen meditators

Zen meditators

Last night I did a phone survey with a woman I met at an Enneagram workshop in 2014.  She's doing her certification to be an Enneagram instructor, and has to do a research paper on her own topic.  She's doing dreams and our instinct stack- how our instinct stack affects how we solve problems in our dreams.  Pretty interesting, and I'll definitely pay closer attention now... and incidentally I did have a dream last night that confirms her thesis.

We ended up having a lengthy conversation and I'll take some gems away from it, but the biggest thing I took away was a kick in the pants to get back to meditation.  I just moved, and I'm recovering from that, running around getting everything settled, and I keep saying, "when I'm settled, I'll meditate.  When I'm settled I'll meditate."  And you know that's just backwards, but you keep feeding yourself that line.  Eventually it has to stop. 

One thing she mentioned about it that I liked was this idea that meditation is time spent with yourself, reaffirming your purpose on this earth.  I liked that line.  After how many decades on earth, I finally know my purpose- to teach the Enneagram- that, I'm 100% sure of, but how am I actually advancing on that purpose?

Anyway, you just know meditation is the right thing to do.  My job is super stressful, and when you're driving to work in the morning and your anxiety has already got your pulse up and your muscles clenched, you know you have stuff to process, and the more you put it off, the more it builds and becomes a monster.

Plus the coaching school that she attended (New Ventures West)- I think one of the best coaching schools in North America, if not the best- asks their students to commit to 30 min a day. 

'Nuff reasons.  Must get started today.

How Big a Container

Yesterday I wrote about having a "container" for your child's psychic energy.  Or whomever's. Your dad's, your employees', your own.  The leader in the room is the one with the biggest container.  Actually, let's back up a bit.  As Russ Hudson brilliantly said Oct. 2014, "The leader is just the first person to become present."  Another quote that has changed my life in a big way.  How do you develop leadership skills?  Develop your practice of presence.

Which should provide a clue as to how exactly a person would go about "creating a container" for others.  Create it for yourself first with your practice of presence and it will be there for others.

Basically, what I mean is developping a self-observation practice.  By turning the flashlight of your mind back in on itself and observing your breathing (is it shallow or deep, quick or slow), your thoughts (how they float -- or zoom-- by like clouds), the muscle tension in your body (can you feel tension in your neck?  Your jaw?  your buttocks?), you deepen your quality of presence, thereby creating a container for others.

 Kids can be a prompt for reminding us to breathe.

Kids can be a prompt for reminding us to breathe.

How long do you do this for?  One second?  One second is good- it's a long time by meditative standards, but I prefer to use the metronome of my breathing because my attention is on my body anyway, might as well keep it there instead of going back and forth between my body and my watch.  A deep, mindful breath can feel like a very long time.  It's difficult to stay with the awareness of your body for an entire breath, but it's a good goal to aim for when you're in the throes of your job and you want to create a little island of mindfulness in the hecticness of the pace of business.  If you can't stay with yourself for an entire breath, that's fine, a half a breath, or even a quarter breath has been known to change the course of events.  Two breaths is audacious.  The people around you will wonder what you're doing.  Three, you're off your rocker according to non-practitioners.  Three mindful breaths creates not only an island, but a retreat centre on the island and a rent-a-car establishment so you can drive to the retreat centre.

But let me go back to high-energy kids, because that's what prompted me to write about this in the first place.  When high -energy kids become annoying or draining, the best thing to do when you feel reactive is to take a mindful breath and "land" in your body.  When you spend some time sensing into your body, noticing how the annoyance feels (do you feel annoyance in your throat?  Your stomach?  Your face?  Your feet?  I notice it in my nose quite a bit) you've landed in that moment, and you've essentially created a little container for your child's energy.  The next time you practice this, you might notice a little bit more tension, like maybe you didn't notice before, but you've got tension in your hands.  That second time, your container grew a bit. 

The third time you practice this, you might notice tension in your jaw as well as your hands, and maybe if you stay with the mindfulness a bit longer, you notice the arches of your feet are tensed up.  "Wow", you say, and you let go of the tension and relax.  Your container has grown a little bit. 

And then you forget for a couple months and when you remember again, you're back to only being able to do mindful half breaths, and the tendency is to beat yourself up and say, "Gah!  Why didn't I sustain my practice??!"  But then you notice the tension in your body as self-condemnation arises, and you take a deep, mindful breath and notice how tight your neck is, or how you're clenching a body part.  Eventually you're back on the horse, back to being audacious again.  And after getting on and off the horse more times that you would like, you decide to have a sitting practice, and set an alarm that rings gently after 20 minutes.  You love it that much.  Over the years, the love grows.  You get on and off the horse, don't worry, it happens to everyone, but the smart mindfulness practitioner uses prompts to turn the flashlight of their mind back in on itself, like it used to be turning on the bathroom taps for me.  But you could just as easily use the tension that comes with self-condemnation as your first prompt to start the journey back onto the horse.

 

Memorizing Poetry

About three years ago, I read The Great Work of Your Life by Stephen Cope, a read so savory you tend to inhale it in one gulp, but a few words of wisdom have stayed with me, among them, to copy other writers.  Basically, Cope says, if you're wanting to find your own voice, copy someone else's for a while.  Pick a writer you admire and write out their speeches and poems over and over again.  Commit their works to memory.  Eventually, their understanding of the universe, their way of working with language and sentence construction, the rhythm of their prose will inform your own mental patterns down to the cellular level, practically, and you'll be able to build off that foundation with your own style.  I've done that once before- I was so intimidated when I heard a recording of Don Riso and Russ Hudson giving an introductory talk on the Enneagram that I wrote the entire hour-long talk out by hand to get the clarity of their thought process embedded into my brain.  I'm pretty sure modern-day composers would corroborate the idea that playing the works of the great composers like Mozart and Beethoven calibrates an orientation to different styles and structures, helping them write their own unique pieces.

This morning I decided to finally act on this injunction and memorize actual poetry.  The poem I chose isn't a poem at all, but I have a bit of an aversion to the genre, so I just lump all thughtfully-worded literature into one big category.  It's actually an essay by Aldous Huxley that I came across in the dear Maria Popova's popular weekly digest of beautiful images, literature and philosophy, Brain Pickings.  Upon opening it, I fell upon the most irrisistable piece of writing and said to myself, "This is it.  It starts today."

For a couple years now, I've been noticing that my mind doesn't have the same clarity and focus as it did in my twenties.  The combination of stress over the last five years and the fact that I now own a laptop, an ipad, and a cell phone has contributed to a new scattered way of thinking that has me hopping from one task to the next, and clicking from one window to the next without completing anything in one sitting.  My job also has me interrupted every three minutes to the point that lately, I can't sit down and read one full page of a book, let alone an entire paragraph without checking my phone or making muffins because the clanging in my head is so much louder and busier than it used to be. That quality of concentration I had before internet 2.0 (2007-ish) is just gone.  I read differently now; I scan instead of letting myself sink into the experience.  I've had enough, but what can you do?  Do you get rid of your technology?  I've started meditating, I've resisted having my banking apps "remember" my account numbers so I have to practice retrieving them from my memory bank, and the other day, I bought a combination lock for the gym instead of one with a key specifically so I'd have another set of numbers to remember.  My next step is to bring back my old alarm clock instead of using the alarm on my phone.  When I wake up to my cell phone, I inevitably get stuck in reactions of all kinds to my e-mails, the news, and texts that I got (or didn't get) during the night that I lose that precious, ethereal opportunity at the beginning of the day to take the reins in hand and rationally plan my day.

I imagine that not only does the process of memorization improve focus, but I'm sure it also strengthens the hippcampus, the long-term memory processing centre of the brain.  When you create a new neuron connection, you have to maintain it in order to keep it, and the constant repetition of what you've memorized would help the neuron stick around and create connections with other neurons.  When I was at a brain workshop recently, the facilitator asked us to turn to our neighbor and tell them what our most valuable possession was.  Of course a lot of us said our house, our car, or whatever, and he interrupted with, "WRONG!!  It's your BRAIN!"  I was reflecting on that last week as I was driving down Albert Street and I realized it was really true.  Some of us have been blessed with parents who not only activated our brains, but showed us how to do it for ourselves, and we have a certain set of chances at success in life.  Others of us have had to do the activation ourselves because our parents weren't in a position to do so.  The almost incomprehensible mystery of being human is having the capacity to reflect our thoughts back on our own minds and improve how our very brain thinks, all for the cost of the occasional late fee at the library, to quote Will from Good Will Hunting.

Not only would it be good for your brain, but from the few times it's happened to me, it's nice being able to impress people at a dinner party by quoting a famous line or two that contributes in some way to the conversation.  I used to read the Aubrey-Maturin series (off which Russell Crowe's Master and Commander 2003 movie is based), and one observation from pre-modern life struck me: conversation skills are truly an art.  The series is about people riding ships between the old world and the new, and when you're on a ship, you're stuck with the same people every single day, and you have to eat in the same dining room with them three times a day, sometimes for months, and you want to be on a ship with interesting people who can carry a conversation.  The more well-read you are and the better your memory, the more weight you can carry in a conversation to take it on new and interesting turns, acting as a connector between ideas and leveraging them to lead the conversation into stimulating thought-territory.   Having the confidence to guide a conversation is pretty empowering- not to mention pretty important for your career.

 Aldous Huxley, British author of  Brave New World  and other works (July 26, 1894 to November 22, 1963). 

Aldous Huxley, British author of Brave New World and other works (July 26, 1894 to November 22, 1963). 

So here we go with the first few lines to Huxley's Music at Night, the title essay in a collection of essays published in 1931, a pristine treatise on the transcendental nature of music to connect people to emotional states in a way that words cannot.

Music at Night

Moonless, this June night is all the more alive with stars.  Its darkness is perfumed with faint gusts from the blossoming lime trees, with the smell of wetted earth and the invisible greenness of the vines.  There is silence, but a silence that breathes with the soft breathing of the sea, and, in the thin shrill noise of a cricket, insistently, incessantly, harps on the fact of its own deep perfection.  Far away, the passage of a train is like a long caress, moving gently, with an inexorable gentleness, across the warm living body of the night.  Music, you say, it would be a good night for music. [...]"

I know someone who grew up in Africa, and he checks his phone so infrequently, and when he does, it's very thoughtfully done.  When I observe him working on a task, I notice a deep quality of concentration and a clarity of focus that I've lost over the last decade- probably most of us Westerners have as technology insinuates its way into our lives.  Here's hoping we can work our way back to that level with a little intention and a little practice.