I’m reading a book that my therapist suggested- The Heroine’s Journey – which is a Jungian treatment of femininity. I agree with the premise, that society teaches women to devalue their femininity, and the Heroine’s journey is about leaving the mother (often in derision of her mother’s weakness) and going out into the world to develop her masculine side to find approval from the masculine. When she eventually realizes in mid-life that she is not being valued for her masculine contributions as much as her male peers are (remuneration-wise and otherwise), she comes crawling back to the mother to make amends. A large part of this archetypal journey has mirrored my experience. As a tomboy, I rejected the mother early on, projected my masculine side onto the father, hoping to get his approval. I was met with dissaproval, and came crawling back to the mother, and have developped a better relationship with her in adulthood. There are quibbles I could have with the book, and maybe I’ll still write about them, but overall, it was a powerful reminder of how I’ve viewed my femininity with a lower regard than my “masculine” contributions to the world.
There was another way that I recently realized I’ve abandoned myself. About three weeks ago, I had an astrology reading where the astrologer read my chart in whole sign. I hate having my chart read in whole sign because it doesn’t reflect my experience- I find whole sign good for timing and prediction questions, but not for the psychological profile of the individiual. Yes, I understand that doesn’t make sense physics-wise, but … here’s my little aside, women are not lying when they say they get insight into a person’s psychological depths via their chart in Placidus.
That said, I had to reflect on why my chart made more sense in Placidus. I’ve got four planets in the 9th house in Placidus- the sun, moon, Jupiter, and Mercury- and I’m so passionate about the ninth house, I have to hold myself back from bowling people over with my opinions on 9th house topics. They make my heart feel so full. Moreover, two of the things I’m most grateful for in life are my undergraduate degrees- my higher education changed my life in profound ways both times. To put those beloved planets into the 10th house where I’ve had the most opposite experience made me feel misunderstood by my astrologer.
After reading his report a few weeks ago, I had an emotional Pisces-eclipse moment, re-claiming those planets in the 9th house. I felt like coming back home to myself — guilty for not putting those planets to work throughout my life, for abandoning them — and like the prodigal daughter, I wondered if they’d ever welcome me back after all the attention I gave the 10th house. I’m not equating the 9th house with femininity, but to me, those topics weren’t as worthy of honoring in my life than the rational, hard-nosed business world I found in the 10th house.
Within a week of reading that report, to get back in touch with my 9th house, I booked a spontaneous trip that crossed cultures, and I found so much happiness there, and was reminded of so much from my youth that I loved and subsequently abandoned in my twenties. Part of my vacation was a bit of grieving for the part of myself that I never nurtured. I’m looking forward to discovering how to honor my 9th house planets as part of identity again.